Flickering candle
by Lou Storgaard
Summary: A corroded pipe was all it took to send Mac and Stella into each their hell of confusion, anger and fear. Unable to tell dream from reality Stella fights to survive her latest brush with death. Mac/Stella oneshot.


**It has taken me ages to finish this, but it's finally done! I hope you'll enjoy reading it :)**

**And once again thanks to Lily Moonlight for all the help :D  
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**Lou :)**

Walking towards the latest crime scene, Stella realized that her choice of coat had been a bit too optimistic for the early fall weather. The cold wind blew right through it and made a shiver run down her spine.

The thought that she could in fact have been at home in her warm bed for at least another hour, instead of at an old swimming facility, mocked her as she pushed the door open. Mac's promise of dinner to make up for this sudden early morning call didn't do much to lighten her mood at that moment.

"'Morning, Stella," Flack greeted her almost cheerfully, obviously not aware of the wrath that could be called on him if he didn't watch his step. "I thought Mac got this one?"

"So did I," she informed him, trying to adjust to the smell of chlorine before gesturing towards the body. "He's been called into a meeting with Sinclair he'll be here as soon as it's over. What've we got?"

Flack nodded. "John Doe. The place is in foreclosure so a real estate agent was here to get a head-start, and he found our vic." He flipped through some pages in his notebook, before tearing out a page. "He had to leave in a hurry, but left his info in case you need more."

"Any idea what the vic was doing here? The pool looks like it's been closed for ages." Stella asked, already scanning the room they were in, the once bright blue tiles were faded and dusty, no different from the rest of the room that had long lost its sense of life.

"No idea. The owner of the place passed away several years ago and it's pretty much been decaying ever since," Flack explained, gesturing to the state of the building around them.

"No chance our vic was another real-estate agent looking for a head-start?" Stella asked.

"I doubt it," Lindsay added, having just appeared from around a corner. "He's got no papers, no business cards, not even a camera or a camera-phone on him."

"Hopefully his prints will get us an ID. Anything else, Don?" Stella asked shivering, thinking that the sooner she could get back to the office, the better.

"Nope, you're good to go," he answered, not hiding how much he enjoyed that it wasn't his job to process this place.

"You want the body or the primary scene?" Lindsay asked. "The whole thing appears to have started in the utility room in the back."

"I'll handle the utility room," Stella told her, it was too early in the morning to handle the smell of a dead body as well as the nauseating smell of chlorine in the air. The muttered words sounding from Lindsay made Stella think that the smell of decomp wasn't high on the younger detective's list either

"Right this way," Don said, leading her out of the main pool area, pushing the door to the utility room open for her. "Have fun." He covered his nose as he let her past him, quietly complaining about the smell.

"Always do," she countered as he took his leave.

She put her kit down with a sigh as she looked around the small room. Aside from the obvious evidence of a struggle, there wasn't much to be seen. The rusty old chlorine feed-system took up most of the room and was most likely to blame for the even stronger stench of chlorine in there.

An old air conditioning system that looked to have been out of order for several years was the only other thing in the room.

She went about her work for several minutes, dusting for prints and checking for trace when she noticed a few blood-drops on the floor.

As she kneeled down to test the stain, the sound of her footsteps no longer drowned out a quiet clattering noise that seemed to come from around the old feed-system. After swabbing the stain and confirming it was blood, she pushed herself up from the floor.

She caught herself regretting that she had skipped breakfast as she got on her feet, her sight blurring for a few seconds, before she was able to return to her task of identifying the mystery noise.

The thought that it could be a rat or something equally unappealing made her approach with caution, but as she leaned over the feed-system to locate the source of the sound, she wished it had just been a rat.

"Oh shit," she muttered to herself as she spotted the puffs of greenish gas that leaked from a malfunctioning valve, before dispersing into the air.

Wanting to get herself and everyone else out of the building in a hurry she turned around quickly and staggered; realizing too late that the amount of gas she had already been exposed to was without a doubt the reason for the increasing dizziness that she could no longer fight off.

In an attempt to avoid falling, she grabbed for anything that could help steady her, her fingers closing around a piece of pipe.

She hadn't expected the piece of pipe to be so old and brittle that it would break at her touch and send her crashing into the feed-system before she slid and landed on the unyielding floor.

Lying there, immobile, Stella blinked, trying to clear her spinning vision. Her head felt heavy and hollow as she lay on her side, trying to decide if the greenish fog that was closing in on her was due to the blow to her head or if the pipe she'd broken had caused an even bigger leak.

A single breath was enough for her to know that it wasn't just a harmless illusion. An almost unbearable burning followed the path of the air through her throat and into her lungs. Her chest was tightening rapidly, trapping the harmful gas in her airways as she fruitlessly fought to get up and get out.

Fresh, salty tears flowed down her scorched cheeks as the last convulsive coughs failed in clearing her lungs of the airy poison; the distant voices of her concerned colleagues fading in time with her grasp on reality.

**-o-**

Mac brought the SUV to a halt outside the crimescene His mind was already occupied with planning a dinner that would make this up to Stella. A quiet home-made meal used to be the way to go, but since his apartment had become their apartment, those meals happened every once in a while. He wanted this dinner to be special.

That morning when he had gotten out of bed to get ready for work, she had still been sleeping soundly, her soft snoring had made him stand in the bedroom door just for a little while, watching her as she slept.

He hadn't expected to have to drag her out of bed more than an hour early and to say that either of them had been happy about it would have been a lie.

He got out of the car, preparing himself for the risk of working under the silent treatment, if Stella's mood hadn't improved since they had ended their earlier phone call. However, she had understood that he had to go to that meeting, and he knew it was more the circumstances she had been mad at, than him personally.

Still thinking about this Mac had barely gotten his kit out of the trunk when Lindsay appeared in the door, her phone by her ear as she hurried outside. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something seemed different about her. Even from a distance he saw the redness of her skin that was caused by something other than the temperature.

Don appeared closely behind her with his arm securely around Stella's waist, her arm hanging over his shoulders as he dragged her outside.

The sight made Mac stop dead in his tracks; his kit fell to the ground with a loud crash, the contents spilling over the asphalt, but that was all forgotten as the endless fears assaulted him. His own frantic heartbeat grew both louder and faster as his feet carried him towards Stella, far too slowly.

As they got closer Mac could tell Stella was trying to walk along with Don but her attempts were futile, both the pace Don set, and her physical condition working against her. She was holding onto Don with everything she had, but every attempt at a step made her lose her grasp on his shoulder.

The guilt was already beginning to overwhelm Mac. Whatever had happened, had taken place at the crime scene he had sent her to in his place. _He_had sent her here and even though he couldn't have known, it was still gnawing at him. Countless questions were thundering through his mind as the reason for Stella's current condition remained unknown.

As he reached her side he heard himself ask what had happened, but it all just seemed like hollow words, only a few words getting through to him as Don went on to explain about a chlorine-leak and having had to abandon the scene.

Unrecovered evidence didn't matter to Mac anymore though, the only thing that reached him in that moment, was Stella's fight for breath. He tried to fight the urge to take her from Don, but her fragile state made it impossible for him not to wrap his arms around her and bring her to safety himself.

When they judged they were safely away from the building Mac made a move to pull off his coat for her to rest on but decided against it and sat down on the concrete ground.

Stella was resting in Mac's arms, fighting with everything she had to stay conscious. Her stubborn eyes locking with his as he tightened his hold on her, comforting words whispered in her ear as they waited for the ambulance.

Don failed to stifle a cough, as Lindsay guided him to rest against the SUV. Her keen senses instantly catching on to the slight dizziness that had made him falter and almost lose his balance. Don's chivalry had stopped her from being affected as badly by the leak as he had rushed in to save Stella before Lindsay could do so, her skin only slightly reddened by the chemical in the air.

**-o-**

Stella's eyes were burning as she pried them open, everything above her was nothing but blurry clouds, flashes of light rolling past her as the faces of the people around her became gradually clearer only to disappear back into the fog just a few seconds later as her eyes drifted shut.

The glimpses of unfamiliar faces had all faded in that short second she had seen the familiar eyes that somehow always brought her comfort; even now Mac was by her side, but even his great support didn't lessen the fear that was overwhelming her.

The resounding thunder of voices around her wouldn't stop. They were all rattling off medical lingo, as if it was an exam. It was too much. It was all going too fast, making her head spin even more than it was already. Even shielded behind her closed eyes the shifting light was making her dizzy.

Every breath felt like white-hot coal dragging through her throat, even the thin sheet that had been laid over her felt like acid being poured on her skin. The blurs and the voices were spinning, she was spinning. It felt like the stretcher was being spun faster and faster as she was whirled further and further into herself.

Then it all stopped. There were no voices, no sound at all. The pain that had been devouring her just seconds ago was gone. All there was left was her own superficial breath, in a room hidden by the thick darkness.

Stella lay on a tiled floor, her first thought that maybe she was back at the pool and the blow to her head had been worse than she'd first imagined; but no matter how much she blinked the darkness refused to release its grasp on her.

As she pushed herself upright she tried to look around her, hoping that something would stand out from the dark; anything that could give her a hint as to where she was, but nothing showed.

Annoyed by her situation, she decided she couldn't just sit there and feel sorry for herself, so she slowly reached out in front of her, her hands traveling across the smooth tiles in an attempt to find her way out of there.

It wasn't an exit that her fingertips suddenly brushed against. The unexpected contact made her draw her hand back with a start, the unknown object rolled across the floor, the hushed sounds from the movement echoing in the seemingly empty darkness.

Holding her breath; she waited for any sound of movement, but soon concluded that whatever she had touched wasn't harmful.

Extending her arms again she slowly made her way forwards in search of the item she had pushed away, her fingers soon closing around it.

The instant she held it in her hand, a faint light appeared as the item revealed itself to be a simple, white candle with only a weak flame flickering at the end.

With the candle still in her hand she got up from the floor, standing in the same spot for a few seconds while looking around her, the dim light from the candle revealing what looked like lockers on her right side.

She made her way along the lockers; the names on them could belong to anyone, but locker by locker the names seemed to grow more familiar. She let her free hand run across the lockers knowing she was approaching her own which contained her spare flashlight.

Only, there was nothing but naked wall where it should have been, bright new tiles reflected the weakened flame the candle carried, nothing but her own pale reflection looked back at her.

A sudden breeze seemed to blow through the room as the sense of belonging and comfort faded, the flame flickered in the wind for a second, but kept burning stubbornly as the breeze passed.

Telling herself that it was some sort of mistake she turned to head in the direction of the door. Stepping cautiously as she made her way forwards in the unwelcoming darkness.

After reaching the door and stumbling up the few steps of stairs, it was obvious to her that the rest of the lab was just as dark. Not even the lights from the city made their way through.

Making her way along the first hallway, she saw the flame was reflected in the many glass walls, she was surrounded by her own hollow form; only that tiny flame keeping her from becoming a faceless part of the darkness.

Determined to prevent herself from losing whatever little grasp on reality she had left, she kept moving forwards, letting her feet carry her through the dark towards an office she was sure would bring her comfort.

Entering the office she knew right away that Mac wasn't there. The room was empty. No Mac, no photos, no furniture. She made her way along the walls of the room, praying that she would find any trace of him.

From the corner of her eye she saw something glint vaguely as the light from the candle reached it. 2 golden objects in the middle of the room. Lying on a newspaper on the floor.

Even from a distance she recognized the two items, the two badges that were left behind as if they had never mattered. The numbers on them growing clearer as she approached them, but she already knew who they belonged to. One was hers, the other was Mac's.

Kneeling down next to the badges she picked them up to look at them, but something else caught her attention; The headline on the newspaper that she had thought nothing of.

_'Head of crime-lab resigns after loss of coworker' _

She dropped the badges as if they had burned her and scrambled to her feet. Despite the darkness she rushed back out into the lab. She needed to find Mac. Something was horribly wrong and she was sure he held the answers.

She held the candle out in front of her as she walked into the breakroom, irrationally hoping that Mac had simply gone to eat.

Like in the office, she walked around in the darkness, methodically searching the room. The candle was barely providing any light, she was walking around nearly blind.

Suddenly she felt eyes on her, but no faces were anywhere to be seen. As she spun around to look behind her, nothing stood out from the darkness. She turned back slowly, knowing that somewhere, something was watching her.

The face of Danny Messer revealed itself through the blackness. He wasn't moving, yet he seemed to come closer and closer. His skin was grey, shadows lurking across his face. The eyes that usually held a playful spark were hollow, even disappointed.

"Danny. You scared me," she stuttered, fighting to remain composed as Danny's frozen shape closed in on her.

Danny's face contorted into an expression of pure anger, no words sounding from his open mouth. An angry, snake-like hiss escaped into the room as the dark figure she no longer recognized was only inches from her, his pitch black, empty eyes staring right into hers.

She wasn't aware of what was happening, before she was rushing down the hallways of the lab, the flame holding on stubbornly even as she ran through the blackened maze of labs.

Ghostly complaints were heard all around her, horrifying figures that once had been colleagues and friends appeared around her, the same hostile faces staring at her through the dark.

Running around corners and along hallways she knew by heart, through labs and offices she fought to escape whatever was following her but her legs felt heavy, her heart was thumping hollowly and her breathing was suddenly laboured and painful. She couldn't go on, she had to stop, for just a second before her body gave up by itself.

The instant she stopped, she was surrounded. Gasping for breath among the hostile faces she felt the despair take hold.

She stood there, feeling empty as the darkness closed in on her once again. The shy flame flickered dangerously, resembling her will to continue this pointless game. Nothing was what it once had been. Nothing mattered.

As she let the candle fall, the empty faces surrounded her, black ghostly figures, hollow eyes staring at her, looking through her; seeing the hopelessness she felt. She knew what would happen now, and she let it. The inevitable attack from the unknown she had tried to escape left her laying on the floor, no longer bothering to put up a fight. If Mac wasn't there, then what did it matter?

**-o-**

Mac stood by the wall in the anonymous hospital room. His thoughts were wandering, even though he couldn't tear his eyes from Stella as she lay on the bed; Parts of her skin were still reddened from the contact with the gas, yet her pale face made her look so fragile. He wanted to sit by her bedside, hold her hand and tell her to come back to him, but somehow he couldn't get himself to do it. Watching her still form was hard enough.

It hadn't been long since the latest nurse came in to tell him they didn't usually let visitors stay for 36 hours straight. He had just shrugged without letting his eyes leave Stella for as much as a second. His only thought when the nurse had mentioned it, had been 'Has it been that long?'

Time seemed to have tied knots in itself since he had been told Stella had gone into a coma. It had flown by, yet every minute had felt like hours. Maybe it was just because he didn't care about anything but her. Time was just a concept created by someone with the need to schedule everything. The need to be able to measure out the length of everything, even the length of life.

His head had been empty all the time he had spent in the waiting room, waiting for news about her. Despite the worries about everything that could happen, he didn't once seriously believe that she might leave him, not until the doctor had come out to tell him she had slipped into a coma while they had been scanning to check for fluids in her lungs.

Don and Lindsay had been by at some point too, after they had been cleared for any lasting effect of chlorine exposure. Both of them had held Stella's hand and talked to her. Something he still hadn't been able to do; the closest he had gotten was the chair next to her bed.

He made his way back to the chair now, keeping his eyes glued to Stella, not wanting to miss even the smallest movement. Even if it was just the steady rise and fall of her chest.

The reality once again struck him like lightning as he sat there next to her. A little voice in his head screaming at him that like Claire, Stella might suddenly be gone. Barely holding the tears at bay he reached out for her, his hand closing around her fingers.

"Please come back." The words came out as a strangled whisper, yet they remained hanging in the air as he slowly let the truth sink in; these might be his last moments with her.

**-o-**

A sudden light forced away the shady creatures that had been lurking over her in the dark, the hostility replaced with a strange feeling of recognition. The frightening hiss was no longer haunting Stella, instead the sound of familiar voices echoed in the room.

Only the voices offered no comfort to her as she lay there, still caught in a daze that had her unable to determine whether she was sleeping or awake.

The unwelcome numbness remained as the light grew less obtrusive, revealing the faces of two people standing above her.

"I wish there was something I could do Mac." Sid uttered with a heavy sigh as he stood there in his navy blue shirt, watching her as if she wasn't looking back at him.

Suddenly she felt cold, in a way she had never experienced before. The pain she had felt earlier was gone, replaced by the chill numbness. She felt like she was breathing in frozen air, her lungs seemed to be freezing from the inside until she could no longer breathe.

She wanted to gasp for breath; to fight for the tiniest shred of hope she had left but she couldn't. She tried to move, signal to Sid and Mac that she couldn't breathe, but nothing happened. Her arms and legs were still. Her fingers wouldn't move, not even the faintest thumping of her heart existed anymore.

Panic seized her in that moment. She needed to breathe, she had to! She couldn't give up. She begged her body to react, to let out the scream she was forced to hold back, but there was no sound. She was trapped; a helpless hostage in her own body.

A nearly inaudible sound drew her attention to Mac, as her panic briefly faded. He had been about to talk but had regretted it at the last second. Sid looked at him for no more than a moment before turning his attention back to her.

"Cause of death was pulmonary oedema due to chlorine inhalation." The ME choked out, his attention once again briefly directed at Mac.

Mac still didn't even look at her. He was deliberately looking away from her; as if he was ashamed of her. Ashamed because she had given up.

She felt more trapped than ever. Unable to reach out for him. The words rang clear in her head; silent pleas for him to look at her, to talk to her, tell her everything would be OK. But she remained unheard as she begged him to remind her that he loved her, like he would do every morning when she woke up, and every evening before they would go to sleep.

"I need to..." Was all he said as he turned away and left. Not even offering her a single glance over his shoulder as he walked away.

She felt the path of the tears as they rolled down her cheeks; burning into her frozen skin. But to the ME standing over her; her cheeks were dry, her open eyes were dead, lifeless orbs staring into oblivion.

"I thought I'd already..." Sid mumbled to himself as his fingers touched her eyelids. "Fare well, Stella." he whispered as he gently closed her eyes.

Everything spun once again, endless sounds returning to her; whirling around her as she tried to hold on. A new numbness overwhelmed her, a medically induced numbness. Warmth returned to her at once, spreading out from her hand through her entire body as she forced her eyes open. As the cold was pushed away a sense of relief and comfort took over.

She knew right away that this was reality and whatever had happened before wasn't. Warm hands were clasped around hers, soft lips pressed against her fingertips as she realized she was looking into the loving eyes of the man she had seen leave her just seconds earlier.

"Stella!" He sighed a smile appearing on his face as he moved his hands to her cheeks.

She knew then, that everything would be OK. Relief, happiness and love shone from Mac's eyes as his thumbs brushed over her cheeks. She couldn't keep a slight smile from her face as words that didn't matter at that moment spilled from his lips.

Words, like the pain she would be in for a while yet, didn't matter to them. Not in that moment; they would have plenty of time for worries later. For now, that was all they needed to know; they still had time.


End file.
